


waiting room,  juwoon

by sanhahaha



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 18:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanhahaha/pseuds/sanhahaha
Summary: in which Juho meets bright and energetic flower boy Seokwoo in a therapists office, but being a mute can't communicate without using his book.





	waiting room,  juwoon

There he is again, the bright and happy boy I have been seeing for the past few months. I always wondered what he had been doing sitting in the same waiting room for the therapist like I had been, he seems so happy as if there were no reason for him to be here at all. 

Completely different from why I was here, being shocked into silence at such a young age. I never spoke my mother worried about me almost everyday which cause her to send me here. If only she knew the reason behind my silence, the many years I had seen her being beaten by my father who threatened to hurt me too if I had opened my mouth to others about the incidents. 

Not that I minded going to the forced therapy sessions, I really enjoyed Seokwoo's company. He sat with me while we waited each day and told me endless jokes making me smile, he even knew I was mute but continued to talk with me. I really did want to ask him why he attended therapy but kept it to myself, maybe he'd let me know himself one day. 

"Juho here once again?" I nodded at his question, sitting unexpectedly in silence until he arrived. He bought a presence with him an overwhelming happy feeling radiating from him, as if he's trying extra hard to stay happy today. 

Are you okay? I jotted down on my notepad showing him with a small smile on my face, watching him intently as he read the three words.

His always bright and bubbly smile disappearing from his face, his expression now dull but quickly changing back to his usual smile. 

"No no I'm fine juho," he addressed me changing the subject fast, "how are your therapy sessions going, any progress?" he knew I was in here because of my mom wanting me to speak again. 

Although I was already 20 years old, my mother refused to let me move out in fear. Thinking if I lived by myself I'd have troubles from not being able to communicate. Which is why I agreed to come to therapy, so I could move- well it was one of the reasons. The other being the monster being my father still lived with us, still torturing my mother on his 'bad days' and yet still forcing me into silence over the whole ordeal. 

It's alright, not much progress  
why can't they understand that I don't want to talk? I'm scared Ro

I let him read of my paper, I was honestly terrified that if I began to speak again my father would chase after me, thinking I had blabbed about the horrible things he had been doing for almost 13 years now. 

"Hey, don't worry- I'll be here for you whether you speak or not," he offered me a kind smile placing his hand over mine to comfort me. 

"I promise to never leave you," he spoke calmly still smiling breathtaking smile he always gave away. 

He lied though, he broke his promise. That was the last day I saw Seokwoo, though I didn't know that. 

Thank you for everything, I placed on a new line for him to see. 

"Hey what are friends for?" he joked around, a certain word causing me pain. As if my heart was clenching at the thought of only being friends with the taller boy. 

I just smiled in return watching him as he left for his session with a small goodbye, smiling back at me that smile that had made me fall for him. His charm, his personality, his looks and his smile. I fell hard for Kim Seokwoo and I needed to tell him. He was the reason I continued these sessions, I wanted to tell him verbally but there was so much telling me not to speak. 

Reasons caused by my father. 

"Baek Juho?" I heard called out from the receptionist, standing I followed the all to familiar going to my doctors room. 

"Juho, how are you today?" I smiled at him, he was nice but he wasn't nice enough not to push me out of silence. 

"No progress hm?" he hummed jotting things onto his notepad, that's all he did talk with me while I listened and wrote things onto his pages. 

"How is Seokwoo?" he asked knowing about Seokwoo from the many sessions where I sat and scribbled his name and other things onto my pad not wanting to listen to the doctor spit out nonsense. 

He's okay, I still don't know why he's here - I wrote sighing, I was quite upset. I didn't think I needed to know but I was curious as to why such a nice and happy guy could end up going to therapy.

"Maybe that's a good thing?" the doctor suggested watching for my reaction, it probably was for the best if I didn't know about Seokwoo and why he had been here the length of time I had. 

I nodded a small 'mm' sound escaping my mouth at the same time, shocked I looked at my therapist. Did that sound actually come from me? I wasn't ready for noise, I wasn't ready to speak. 

"Juho? That was you, now I'm not going to force you but remember, as always you're free to speak whatever you feel, there is no judgement in here."

"I," the one lettered word managed to escape my mouth, I wanted to leave. I wanted to share this moment with Seokwoo- if I was going to get through my therapy and begin speaking the first conversation I wanted was with Seokwoo. 

I don't want to speak, I can't not yet.  
I wrote along the dotted lines on my page. 

"That's okay Juho, maybe next time but as for today our times up," he smiled at me folding his notebook closed and uncrossing his legs to stand. 

"I'll see you next time, we have made quite a bit of progress though," he smiled firmly shaking my hand and showing me to the door. 

I bowed to thank him respectfully and left the room closing the door as quiet as I could and began to walk back to the waiting room. 

"you need to start taking your medication" I overheard from down the corridor, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping I hid behind the corner of the wall spotting who was having the conversation. It was Seokwoo and his doctor, what medication could he be talking about?

"I'm not depressed I don't understand why I have to take antidepressants."

"Seokwoo, you can't be talking about things like this and having thoughts such as do and think that you don't need a bit of extra help," the doctor argued. 

"Whatever," I heard Seokwoo finish and hid around the corner as I saw him approaching. 

"Juho," I heard him say he had come up behind me. 

I turned to face him, guilt written over my face from overhearing a conversation I shouldn't have. 

"How did your session go?" he asked to which I nodded agreeing that it had gone well. I pointed to him, kind of as if I was asking him about his which I hoped he understood. 

"Yeah mine was good, the doctors are a bit pushy though," he laughed hitting me on my shoulder in a friendly manner. 

"I have to go but I'll see you next time," he smiled that wonderful smile of his that made me fall for him.

I smiled back and waved heading out the door in a seperate direction from him to my home, I loved the walk home from the therapists office as I didn't have to worry about anything. I could be by myself not having to talk to anyone and listen to my favourite music as I took the long journey home which usually took around 20 minutes to walk. 

I also dreaded the walk home because I knew eventually I'd have to go back and not knowing what sort of mood my father was in scared me, I didn't like it when I came home and he was hurting mom.

"Oh look who decided to show up," I heard as soon as I stepped through the front door, "Baek Juho you've been gone all day where were you?" my mother asked me, forgetting about my appointments. 

doctors remember? I wrote onto my notebook showing her. 

"We've had this discussion already, I don't want to read what you're saying why do you think I'm paying for those sessions? Use your words Juho c'mon," she nagged placing a bowl of food in front of me as I sat at the kitchen table. 

"Not talking again? What a surprise," my father laughed at me entering the room as well sitting next to me at the head of the table. 

I just sat there scowling at the fact he had made me this way but still continues to tease me over it, even though my parents don't care about me they act like they do sometimes - like my mom who hates the fact I don't speak and treats me like dirt yet she won't let me leave her and move out to be independent. 

"Yah! Juho take that look off of your face!" my father yelled acting as if any moment he would explode from the tension building inside of him. 

I just silently excused myself and left to go to my room besides, apart from the occasional meal with my parents we never sat together. They usually only spoke to me when they were yelling or arguing over something stupid or my speech. 

My head hit the pillow once I got to my room and like a light I was out instantly, tired from the exhausting day I had. 

 

;;;

 

"Juho get up!" I heard called out through out the house, waking me up. I really needed to get out again today. I might go back to the therapist to see if Seokwoo is there today. 

BANG BANG BANG I heard violently on my door. 

"Get up Juho! You've got another appointment with Doctor Jung," my therapist well I was going there anyway. 

I stood and opened the door to face my mother, I was still dressed in my clothes from yesterday. 

"Good you're up now get in the shower, you smell and you're late-" I cut her rambling off my shutting the door in her face. 

I then hoped into the bathroom and got ready faster than every before so I could hurry to the therapists office. 

The walk didn't feel as long as the journey home took, stepping into the office I expected Seokwoo to be in the waiting room as he usually was having the same appointments as I did. 

He wasn't here though, he'll probably come in later.

"Juho!" Doctor Jung Yonghwa exclaimed when I had entered the room, he had been my usual doctor for the past few months I had been going to therapy, so I'm not sure why he was so excited to see me. 

I smiled at him, he never forced me to speak and only encouraged it. He did most of the talking himself. 

"Hi," I let escape my mouth. It shocked me that it had happened but I didn't mind it today. Today I felt like I was ready to speak, maybe I'd be able to leave my parents, maybe I'd be able to talk with Seokwoo. Maybe just maybe I could tell him how I felt. If he shows up that is. 

"Did you just use verbal communication?" he asked smiling proudly and jotting onto his pad. 

"I-I did," I stuttered out not used to my own voice, I had been threatened into silence more that 10 years ago so it was a struggle for me to adjust to speaking again. I just wanted to tell Seokwoo how I felt now that I knew about his condition, I didn't want to miss my opportunity.  

We sat there in almost silence for the next hour, Doctor Jung encouraging me to use more words but I just sat and watched as he wrote on his notepad. 

"Well our times up, how about you go show your friend Seokwoo about this?" he smiled brightly leading the way out again like yesterday. 

"I w-will," I stuttered again, I should probably stick to small sentences or phrases for now while I get used to talking again. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of Seokwoo. 

Smiling I left the room and walked down to corridor to the waiting room, he wasn't here. Did he not show up today? I really wanted to talk with him, and actually converse for once. 

zuho: Did you have therapy today? Read  
zuho: y didn't u come in? Read  
zuho: I need to talk to u. Read

After no responses worried, I ran to the receptionist, I couldn't wait until tomorrow or the next day I wanted to talk with him now. 

Did Kim Seokwoo come into his appointment today? I wrote using my trustworthy notebook. 

"He didn't show up, no- are you a friend of his?" the receptionist asked flicking her long brown hair. 

I nodded to reply, and then turned the page of my book to write something else, I'm Baek Juho, we've been friends for a while because of the therapy sessions. Can you tell me his address I need to speak with him.

"That's private information," she sassed back at me causing me to get annoyed. 

look, I paused looking up from writing to read her name badge, Seolhyun tell me where he lives please. 

"I can't tell you, I'm sorry Juho but it's against our policies," she smiled, not showing she cared at all. 

"P-Please, it's an emergency" I stuttered out, tearing up to push her to let me know.

"Uh," she groaned giving in and letting me know his address. 

"Here," she said bluntly shoving me a piece of paper which had the information I needed. I nodded to thank her and left the building running in the direction of Seokwoo's house. 

I just wanted to talk with him. 

zuho: y aren't u answering. Sent

That's weird at least before he was reading my messages. Worried I rang his number which went straight to voicemail.

Now I was really worried and I still wanted to talk to the slightly younger boy I ran. I ran as fast as I could the rest of the distance to his house. 

Out of breath I finally reached my destination, but before knocking on the door I caught my breath and checked my messages. Still on sent, I wonder why. 

Knock knock. 

An unfamiliar looking boy opened the door, he looked to be only slightly older. I'm assuming he's Seokwoo's housemate Jaeyoon who he had mentioned before. He looked devastated. 

"C-Can I help you?" he asked, looking as if he was going to break into tears any moment. 

I got out my notepad wanting to save my words for Seokwoo, as it took a lot out of me to speak still. 

Is Seokwoo home? He's not answering his phone. I wrote down and showed him the piece of paper I teared from my notebook. 

After taking some time to read it, he looked me sadly in the eyes and began sobbing. 

"Jaeyoon, are you okay?" another boy came up to the door, holding the smaller one in his arms and comforting him as he cried. 

"What did you do?" he asked trying to be intimidating.

In return I showed him the paper so he could read it as well, he looked up at me sad eyes too. He then left Jaeyoon and took me aside. 

"I-Inseong," Jaeyoon cried trying to pull him back. 

"I'll be back," he promised to the boy, taking me away from the front door into the front garden away from hearing distance of the broken boy. 

"Who are you? Why are you asking about our Seokwoo?" He pushed. 

Quickly I took out my paper again, I'm friends with him we met in therapy. I'm mute and I wanted to try and speak to him but he didn't answer the phone. I wrote out messily but still gave it over to the older looking boy. 

"So you don't know?" he asked after reading the page, I just looked at him questioningly. 

"Seokwoo commited suicide last night, he didn't- he didn't make it home from therapy. He- He-" I stopped him he looked terrible and I was shaken up from what I heard. There's no way that's possible. 

There's no way, I never got to tell him, "I loved him-" I cried out. My throat sore from the lack of speaking over the years. 

Inseong still broken up himself just looked at me sympathetically. 

"I'm sorry, you never told him did you?" He asked reading me like a book. 

I just nodded still sobbing. 

"A-At least he's h-happy now, right?" I hoped for a good answer. Of course, he had to be happy right. 

"R-right?" I hiccuped being a little ashamed that I was crying in front of a person I barely knew, in fact I was ashamed I was crying at all. I never cried. 

Why did he have to do this.

**Author's Note:**

> this was posted on my wattpad acc first, its so bad but its honestly the best i can do??


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